Ohhh... "twik twik".. hu hu... ah.. so here m all awake from my dream :p hehehe..... Hope everyonez fine... jus aaaaaaaas good as Saurabh hehhe :) *touchwood*
Hmmm colejz fine..was damn sleeeeepy.... eagerly waiting for my teacher to get going:p
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT, The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION, The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP. The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS, The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY. The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD, The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET. The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE, The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE. The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY, The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING. Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things... While the women STUCK to shopping.
Learn how to write leave letters from the following examples:
This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...
And if at all u hv read this earlier..feel da pleasure of reading it again...
1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both (!!)For the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post...
These are actual letters that kids have written to God.
Dear God... Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?
Dear God... Who draws the lines around the countries?
Dear God... I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
Dear God... Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Dear God... It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but hope you will not hurt him anyway.
Dear God... Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Dear God... If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer because I hate her.
Dear God... I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
Dear God... I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying.
Dear God... I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
Dear God... Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best.
Dear God... If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes.
Dear God... I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already.
Dear God... I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool!
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff, and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm"
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it fell asleep.
Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.
Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was a copy cat.
Q: Why did the fourth elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought this was all a game.
Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.
Q: What does an elephant and a blueberry have in common?
A: They're both blue, except for the elephant.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A: Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a boring joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
A: First you bake a cake, and put 3 raisins on top, then you take it out in the jungle where the pink elephant will find it, and you wait. Eventually the elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the raisins and throws the cake away. Then you go home and bake another cake and put 2 raisins on top, take it out in the jungle where the elephant will find it. The elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the 2 raisins and throws the cake away. You go home and bake another cake and put only one raisin on it. Then you trek back into the jungle and put the cake where the pink elephant will find it. The elephant comes along eats the raisin, and throws that cake away. Now you go home and bake another cake, but (here's the sneaky part) you don't put any raisins on it. You take it out into the jungle where the elephant will find it and lie in wait. The pink elephant comes along and finds the cake, he gets SO mad that there aren't any raisins on it, he turns red, then you jump on him, strangle him until he turns blue...... and you shoot him with a BLUE ELEPHANT GUN!!!
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Aw, come on, have you ever seen a yellow elephant !?!
Q: Why do elephants have red eyes?
A: So they can hide themselves better in cherry trees.
Q: Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: No? See how well the trick with the red eyes works?
Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to get a new fence.
Q: Where does an 8 ton elephant sit?
A: Any damn place where he pleases!
Q: Why is an elephant covered in wrinkles?
A: Ever try to iron one?
Enough of it.. Now get back to da comments :p !!!!
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.
The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.
He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Lynn is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife. Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions."
A Marwari Family in Rajasthan was puzzled when the Coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the Daughters.
The Dead Body was so tightly squeezed inside the Coffin with no space left in it ! When they opened the lid they found a letter on top , Which Read as Follows ::
" Dear Brothers &Sisters,
I am sending our Mother's Body to you , since it was her last wish that she should be Cremated in the Compound of our Ancestral Home in Rajasthan. Sorry, I could not come along as all of My Paid Leaves are consumed.
You will find inside the Coffin , under Amma's Body , 12 Cans of Cheese, 10 Packets of Chocolates & 8 Packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you.
On Amma's Feet you will find a New Pair of Reebok Shoes (size 10) for Mohan. Also, there are 2 Pairs of Shoes for Radha's & Lakshmi's Sons. Hope the sizes are correct.
Amma is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The Large Size is for Mohan & the Others are for My Nephews. Just distribute them among Yourselves.
The 2 New Jeans that Amma is Wearing are for the Boys. The Swiss Watch that Rema wanted is on Amma's Left Wrist.
Shanta Aunty, Amma is Wearing the Necklace, Earrings and Ring that u asked for. Please take them.
The 6 White Cotton Socks that Amma is wearing must be divided among My Teenaged Nephews. Please Distribute all these uniformly and if anything more required tell me now, since our Abba is also not keeping well These days . . .. "
This was written by a guy who has years of experience. Believe you me, most of them are true about girls....
1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at her house...she runs around in her underwear just like we do.
2. DON'T CHEAT ON HER. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, she WILL find out and you will be mud.
3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.
4. Never miss an opportunity to tell her she's beautiful.
5. Don't refuse to kiss her in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's just because they're jealous.
6. If she slaps you hard, you deserved it.
7. Don't be afraid to touch her if you want to. If she's going out with you in the first place, it's because she likes being in your arms.
8. If you don't sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.
8.5 If you DO sleep with her, DON'T tell your friends that you did.
9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...
10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.
11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..
11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!
12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.
13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.
14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.
15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
16. Never, EVER slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.
17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.
20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.
21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.
22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.
24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.
27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.
28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice. ( not applicable for all)
29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.
30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
(If you have read this and you are a girl, then some of these things are actually really true...am I right?! And if you read this and you are a guy, then these are like the mother fuckin best tips you could ever get!)
I try to stay away from evil deeds but succumb to temptation every once in a while. I'm not quite on my way to hell but I certainly have some explaining to do.
Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, go Prepared for some standard questions that are asked from them when Commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony.
Inzamam was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match,for which he was not prepared. He always had a standard response to the first question. But this time.....
Tony Greig : So Inzi, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time !
Inzamam : Bismillah-e-Rehman-e-Rahim ! All credit goes to the boys. Everyone worked hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation when he went in. Without his strokes it not have been possible. He was pulling the good Balls. Also Bob Woolmer keeping close watch on progress and giving Instructions. It's all team effort which pulled us out of big hole. Insha Allah, we all will work together as team, put in big effort and deliver good result all the time.
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?". Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!". The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The treacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
Principal: What is 3 x 3?Harry:9
Principal: What is 6 x 6?Harry: 36
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third grade".
The teacher says to the principal, "Hold on, let me ask some questions?" The principal and Harry agree.
The Teacher asks, "What does a cow has four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, "LEGS"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I don't have?"
The Principal starts sweating.
Harry, "POCKETS."
Now no reactions or special face symbols dot Harry's face. He remains absolutely cool.
Teacher: What starts with a C & ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contain thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
The Principal's eyes open really wide, Harry was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink, then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum.
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog on three legs?
Harry: Shake hands
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, answer me.
Harry (unfenced): Shoot
Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: TENT
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
Principal gets restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I am not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: NOSE
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow
The principal breathing a sigh of relief and shouted at the teacher, "put Harry in the 5th grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."
A Sardarji is in the Quiz Contest "KAUN BANEGA CROREPATI" trying to win prize money of Rs 1 Crore.
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which country are the Panama hats made? A) BRAZIL B) CHILE C) PANAMA D) ECUADOR
Sardar asks for help from the University students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution? A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
4) Which of these is King George VI first name? A) EDGER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANUEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on hich animal: A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT
Sardar gives up
If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at the Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below :
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453 2) The Panama hat is made in Ecuador 3) The October revolution is celebrated in November 4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name 5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means Islands of the puppies
Now tell me who's the dumb one ??? .... don't ever laugh at Sardarjis!!!!....
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